I guess Kylie Jenner’s 2016 is my 2017 because MAN this has totally been my year “of, like, realizing stuff.” Being home for the summer while almost none of my friends are around has presented a new challenge for what to do with my time. While I’m itching to return to Dallas and its vibrant social setting, being alone has provided me the opportunity to get in touch with myself, learn, and grow. I think it’s easy to get caught up in the short-term when you’re constantly distracted and busy, but I’ve grown incredibly thankful for the time I’ve been given to better understand myself and the way the world works. We should be constantly growing and changing, and I’ve provided some insights I’ve gathered that have helped me do just that.
This is so important because it’s so true! In the age of Instagram, it’s too easy to compare your behind the scenes with other people’s highlight reels. I have so much respect and am so inspired by the women who are using their platforms to expose their behind the scenes in effort to normalize normal. No one is perfect or happy all the time! I’ve come to learn that there will always be someone smarter/prettier/cooler/whatever, but there will never be someone with the unique combination of insights, experiences, and authenticity you have to offer the world! In the words of the greatest living icon of our time:
“Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be younger. But they will never be you.” – Kanye West
Yeah, what he said.
“Real queens fix each other’s crowns,” “Don’t hate, collaborate,” “The success of every woman should be the the inspiration to another.” No matter how you phrase it, the sentiment sticks. I am constantly inspired by the internal beauty of the women I’ve chosen to surround myself with because I know they’re there for me through thick and thin and they want to see me succeed, just as I do them. These relationships help foster growth, support, and a better world for women everywhere. Ladies, we are all in this together! The presence of another woman’s beauty/grace/brains/whatever is not the absence of your own! See others’ strengths as examples to learn from and remember that you always have things to offer and teach in return.
One night at home, I was complaining about something that was, in the big picture, incredibly inconsequential. My mother, slightly aggravated, looked at me and said with a sigh, “seriously, Kate, don’t you have better things to focus on?” It stopped me in my tracks. Because she was completely right, why would I want to waste my energy and thought on something that didn’t benefit me or anyone else? By directing my focus on this small thing, I was letting it become a much bigger issue. I was giving power to something I had already unknowingly deemed unworthy of my time. Wouldn’t my attention be better focused towards a book or news article or art or almost anything else besides that?
I know myself well enough to know that in order to purge the nagging annoyance of day to day occurrences, I need to voice them to someone, but I have quickly learned that by focusing on these things, I am doing myself a great disservice. Furthermore, by instilling this habit of thought into my mind, I have helped myself understand that, a lot of the time, my annoyance has little to do with what happened and actually links to a larger insecurity. By being more mindful of my thoughts and feelings, I’ve started to train my brain to recognize these issues, discard the minute ones, and address the ones that strike a deeper chord.
This, might be the most important lesson and it’s one I’m still working to internalize. I’ll (unfortunately) never forget a recent experience with a guy on a dating app (since deleted LMAO). I had been talking to him for a few days and we had a date on the books to meet for drinks to see if we’d hit it off. The more we talked the more I got the sense that I didn’t think he was my type of guy, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Fast forward to the day I was supposed to grab drinks with him and something work related came up. I let him know and he insisted on discussing it on the phone. After 5 minutes of him whining about how I ruined his week by rain-checking our date, I let him know I didn’t see it working out. I was then bombarded with a NOVEL on how I was a “bad person” with a “junk mentality” who “jerked him around” and “gave women a bad name.” He then continued to text me and threaten me until I blocked his number! I hadn’t even met the guy. Obviously, I was shook!! But then I was like, “lol, wait, homeboy doesn’t even know me, I can’t take this to heart.” And in that terrible, tinder sponsored moment, I realized that all of the things he had said to me had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him. And then I realized this lesson goes way past a terrible tinder match.
It’s so easy to take others’ words and actions personally, but it’s important to understand where what they’re saying or doing is coming from. Everybody is fighting their own battles and it’s essential to understand that when something hurtful is said or done, a lot of the time it isn’t intentional, it’s just people’s way of dealing (or not dealing) with their own shit. Treat everyone with kindness and try to live as authentically as you can, because people may forget what you said or did but they will never forget how you made them feel.
What do you think about these insights? Are they helpful or do I have no idea what I’m talking about? Do you have quotes you live by that you’d like to share? I’d love to hear your feedback in the comments!
ps. sry about the low-qual Greece pic! I needed something to grab y’all’s attention! 😉